you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
