Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
