Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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