could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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