I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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