i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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