Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
