what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
