i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
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