i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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