i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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