Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
