Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
