fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
