my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
