you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
