Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
