Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
