When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
