that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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