We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
