im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
