Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
