you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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