After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
