Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
