I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Im part way to drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i out mim tonsoeep
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
