think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
