On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
