Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
