he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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