she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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