I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
