hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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