Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
