haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
