Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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