before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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