I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
