dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
