I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
