I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
