Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
