Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
