Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
