tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
