I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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