my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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