So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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