dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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