Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
