She is in my trunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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