The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I intend to get homeless drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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