ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
