the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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