It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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