When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
